Silhouette of Woman doing Yoga by the Ocean

Sometimes you just have to say, "It is what it is."

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

All great drops of advice and all important to having peace in your heart. So why is it that we have such a difficult time doing them? Many of us analyze, over analyze, think, and over think why certain events and relationships happen in our lives. We are stuck on not only the fact that they happened, but on the why. After all, everything happens for a reason. But is it so important to know that reason Can’t we just accept that it happened and look for what it has shown us, taught us, and how it has helped us grow?

If there was ever a statement that strongly resonated with me it would be Caroline Myss’ words: “Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.” I spent years trying to find the reason why something happened, why I made the choice I did, why things had worked out as they had. It was so painful and I suffered greatly. Living in the past or holding on to a fantasy is such a waste of energy. And it causes great hardship. Trying to decipher all the meanings in our personal universe is exhausting and we may not find all the answers we seek, or want for that matter. The search could be enlightening, but most often we feel anguish, sadness, and heartbreak when we remain in that search for the reasons why.

We all make mistakes. We all experience some emotional trauma. We all suffer. But we have the power, the choice, to free ourselves from that pain. I have often joked with friends about how it is time to get off misery road, that it is within our power to change the trajectory of our lives. We must choose to be vigilant and redirect our thoughts away from the questions of why something happened, why a relationship soured, why a person is the way they are, why a job didn’t work out, why we had to lose a loved one… why our life is the way it is. The best thing we can do for ourselves is give up the need to know why things happen as they do and just accept that they did, that they are as they are now. Just accept and allow the lesson. I dislike the expression, “It is what it is,” but it is the truth, and I find myself thinking or saying those words a lot lately.

So turn off of misery road and turn on to the road of joy, of happiness, of contentment, and of peace. Turn off your wondering mind. Cease the inquiry. Give up the need to know the why and concentrate on what is – focus on the present moment, and then focus on each subsequent moment as you experience life.

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

Peace of mind and soul can be yours. It is your choice.


  1. Jean (Maggie) on March 4, 2016 at 11:09 AM

    Thank You Jill. I’ve been managing to do this here lately–absolutely wonderful. I start out by being thankful when I open my eyes! After all, I’ve been given the gift of a new day, marvelous. Starting out this way helps me keep on track and not get sucked up into the “pity party” mode yet again. Posts like yours help, too. Thanks so much.
    There is always so much wonder all around us in the natural world, so beautiful. The best way I know of to stay grounded for me, is to stay in touch with Nature. Love your post.

    • Jill Alman-Bernstein on March 7, 2016 at 7:55 PM

      Yes, yes, and yes to everything you said! We do have the ability, the will, to be thankful, to see the day as a gift, and to stay on track. I agree with staying grounded and I love taking nature and beach walks, or if it is too cold, I put on some music and dance my tail off! xo

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